Several months ago I decided to merge my Real Estate office into another company.
It was a lot of work as you can imagine to build and create this business. It was the driving force in my life, the place I sourced my life from, my baby. Since 2009 we had a big beautiful storefront in e on the Avenue. It was beautiful, elegant and state of the art to reflect the culture of the brand I built. Not only did we sell many houses out of the space we used it as a platform to do much good work in the community. I had many events after hours there..art shows, dog rescue events, fundraisers, cocktail parties and of course holiday meet and greets. It was an amazing vibe and I took a great deal of satisfaction and pride in what I created there in many ways. It wasn’t just about making money or being prominent in the community I always used my career to serve and give back too. It was my life….But that chapter is all over now.
Times changed. After a major hurricane the downtown village never had the same vibe, the storefront energy changed. The housing market locally was very soft. And I changed too. Life had given me several personal blows that had pulled me up short. I wasn’t the ego-driven barracuda. Now I had morphed into a calmer quieter me. I had in effect been turned inside out by many things and my energy and desires were different. It was time to move on.
I began to pursue Spirituality and energy healing. I became a Reiki Master Teacher and started another business, taking on my Nonna Rose’s name for serendipitous reasons. I devoted many hours to study about universal law, quantum physics and angels and philosophy and the metaphysical world. I caught wanderlust and want to travel.
”It was time to let go of the business that had consumed me and sourced me for 20 years and scale it back to an enjoyable level that fit my new lifestyle. This was no easy task. Getting rid of possessions and a lifestyle you are so attached and emeshed in is daunting.
I was extremely attached and it took a long time and a lot of gut-wrenching emotion to get through it. Just the physical steps of moving the office was overwhelming, not to mention all that is involved on the business end. I had built this chapter of my life all alone brick by brick from nothing, I would take it apart from the same way. And there were many great lessons involved in the process for me. Painful, ironic and happy lessons.
There is something very humbling about dismantling your dream piece by piece. Feeling and watching everything it took you 20 years to build being literally undone makes you see the true value of everything, not the illusion you thought it was. You begin to see merit and value in a new way. It becomes more internal and personal. Illusions die and you see things for what they are. And anyone who has worked through illusions knows how devastating that can be. My ego was changed and that made it easier in some ways I imagine. I didn’t “have” to do it, I was in control , I had decided to make this change.
But for weeks before I began to feel lighter and on track…I felt like someone had died and I was punched in the stomach. No one around me could understand. While it was my choice, my decision, I also had no choice, this wasn’t where I belonged anymore. My ” home” was no longer “home” and while I had yet to figure out where ” home” would be I had to move on to find out. And that meant feeling groundless and sad and very scared too. Like jumping off a cliff! And finding a new world where the things that are important are new and different.
But I have never been one to let fear hold me back, thank God. I am wired me with a risk taking ability that is in part responsible for my success. I jump in and do. I am a learn as I go human,….. improvise, activate, overcome is my motto. In biz you do that every day. For 20 years I was an adrenaline junking …putting out fires and pulling rabbits out of my hat and always making it look easy! But now I realize there is more important work for me to do. My talents are better suited elsewhere.
”It is time for me to do authentic work not built on external power. The first half of my life 's work was about me. The second half of my life's work is about others and using the gifts of my heart and soul.
Whenever I would get shaky and feel like I was tearing apart my security and my identity I would focus on that fact. I was doing all this to do what I was meant to do. I would be working towards something new not just throwing away the old for no reason. I accomplished it all by Constantly reminding myself this had to be done. But it hurt to do.
I came to terms with things at 2 AM one night. I was sitting on the floor of the office dismantling desks by myself. I felt depressed and scared and disheartened. I was weeping. I was reminded of a similar night many years ago when alone at the same ungodly hour I rushed to put together a reception desk for the next day’s Grand Opening celebration. I was scared and nervous that day so many years ago and look at how it all turned out. I had done so much, never knowing what was in store and how awesome it would all be. I realized I was a creator not a destroyer. I had come full circle. This part of my life had served its purpose and I had to clean it up and put it all away to make room for my new creation. There were beautiful memories here but it was time for a different life. The physical things didn’t matter, my life would now be sourced from inside of me. And although it is difficult to adjust and not know what or where or who will be your future I have to trust. Blind Faith. Wow!
The process took a couple of months when finally the last of it was done. The last pieces of furniture found a new home at Babylon Breast Cancer Coalition. Nothing could be more appropriate as a survivor myself I do a monthly Reiki circle for the ladies and they are an amazing organization.
As I was loading the file cabinets in my truck that morning my phone rang. It was my friend who I have been planning tentatively to go to Peru with. She was telling me her daughters just got back from Peru and she felt a strong urge to go. We talked and decided to book it. One of the reasons I closed the real estate office is to travel. My life was coming together!
I hang up the phone and arrive at the coalition with the file cabinet. They hand me an envelope with the money for the file cabinets. I feel funny to take it. So, I explain to the woman, I wouldn’t normally take the money but it’s about a spiritual exchange for me. The money will be used to travel for my own enlightenment and to enhance my Spiritual gifts. I take the envelope and go to retrieve the other cabinets. I started to feel a little nostalgic as I unloaded them. They are the very last shred of my business, everything else was gone and done. This is it, it is over today! I started to panic and pray to Spirit that I was not making a big mistake.
Once again Spirit was orchestrating something for me I could never know.
As I brought the rest of the cabinets in, one of the ladies Eileen who I remember from the last Reiki circle. I did for the ladies, came over to me. I could tell she had something to tell me but she was tentative.
Finally, she says, ” I was at your Reiki circle last month and it was amazing”, ” When I left I was so relaxed and even the next day I felt great”. She tells me, “The next day I went to the grocery store and when I got change they handed me this and I didn’t understand what it meant” but I kept it because I felt like it meant something. She hands me a dollar bill, and she says ” But now I understand I am supposed to give it to you.” I look at the dollar bill and it says “Enlightenment Travel Fund” . My heart skips a beat as months of uncertainty fall away. I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Spirit has given me the confirmation I needed about my future as the last piece of my old life was given away. I don’t feel ungrounded anymore. I don’t feel so afraid of the unknown. The universe has a plan for me and it has me fully supported. Just like 20 years ago, I had no idea what would come but great things happened then. It is the same now. Those 20 years of creation and learning have given me the foundation for my next chapter. I know so much more than I did then and I am more connected to myself, God and the universe. Great things are happening and the best is yet to come. I believe in myself and the universe. And I had to do it alone to get the full experience.
I hope my story gives someone the courage to move forward and take that leap of faith.
Peace and Love
From the Barracuda with a heart of Gold,