March 28, 2020  Today feels heavy.
We are in the midst of a global Pandemic – as Covid -19 wreaks havoc on the world.  It is said that times like this bring out the best and worst in people.
I have seen this to be truth in my own personal tragedies and on the global stage after 9/11 and super storm Sandy. This time is different. The fear is much greater, the threat to personal safety far more real, our defenses much more limited and the duration of suffering is indefinite.
This truly is the defining moment of our lives.
I am puzzled by those who are oblivious to that.  I am touched deeply by those who know it.  I have no judgments.  I realize judgments have ceased to be in my energy field. They have been tossed on the pile with all the other “unnecessary’s” that have been enlightened into the category of “no matter”.
I only require and want observation.
 I observe so deeply now, as if someone cleaned the window to my soul.
My vision is clarified and connected directly to my heart. I am changing. My “spidey” senses heightened by a world divided by fear and love. My physical body shakes as I write here..now ..in this moment – not from fear but from the sheer force of vibration in the world and from its friction.
I feel the heaviness of suffering, the cut of grief across my heart. The vibrations from people with heads bowed in sorrow. I feel the bitter taste of fear stinging my tongue from desperate people in their faithless moments of weakness. I feel all of these heavy weights against this huge force of light. This grating annoying friction rubbing against each other vying for the position of takeover. I feel the friction and I know the power belongs to us humans to decide which will win. It is heavy and daunting and apocalyptic except that it is relieved by powerful cloak of compassion keeping me warm from a source greater than this world. There is this energy that makes my insides quiver and my body shake. A tsunami. An epic waterfall. A vibration of love felt in every cell of my body. It comes from above and below, from all sides and from within and as I feel every hand across the world clasped in prayer and every heart filled with faith and every head bowed in prayer. Innately, I become one with them.
This force is so strong I am forever changed by it.
I can feel the friction pulsating in the world heavy dark against light. I am in light. Faith is no longer a word but a living, breathing, pulsating energy of being. Within me and across the world joining us all in a force field with no body or mind but only soul – is pure love. It is simply known to me on a before undiscovered level of consciousness that we, man, has the power to change everything and anything is this world. By joining together in this unbelievably high vibration of love. I thought I understood this, knew this ,before but now I am humbled by the “underreallystanding” of the scale of this truth.
I have been shaking with this force for days. What starts in the root chakra continues to rise until I am lightheaded yet grounded in it. This world grid of love and high vibration is Source – God – Us – the Oneness that will heal this and us and the world. It is vibrating within me. All the prayers across the world and the compassion sent by we humans is amping up the cosmic light and extra senses. It is heightening my connection to divinity and opening my crown chakra like lightening. This tragedy is an awakening for many on earth as ego dissolves into love. As some gasp for air others are breathed into life. I keep hearing part of the prayer I use to open sacred space ” You who are known by a thousand names and you who are unnameable come warm your hands by the fire in our medicine space” These beautiful ceremonial words have new and profound meaning. The world has become a medicine space. Those hands invited are not just divine – they are ours each one of us has the power to heal. Ourselves and the world.
In the stillness of these challenging times we find God and Ourselves..
When we join together in love, love creates miracles.
I am forever changed now by these defining moments.
While my personal losses sting, they hang within an air of apathy. I don’t really care about money or groceries or the job or the unevolved boyfriend who showed his true colors. It all seems silly and has been thrown on the pile of “unnecessary’s” even when I know I must eat and pay bills. It seems this vibration within me has it all taken care of.
The loneliness I have so struggled with is dissolving into no need. I live within myself now. Satisfied, strong and in union with all. I am a self that is as old as I can remember and as new as today. A self that only wants to be in high vibration and love as though it is my oxygen. Nothing else matters. I am an island onto myself. Everything I need is here. Judgment has completely dissolved and at times my discernment still looks for it – a leftover from a previous world I used to live in but it is fleeting. I have elevated away from it. Today, this is my new world.
The people that share my life – family and friends are felt in a new way now. They have become separate from their opinions of me as I detach from my need of them and their ideas of worth, about me and about everything. This allows a freedom to accept them deeply with no ties, just love. I care not what their politics or prejudices are or how they live their lives. I only care to love and be loved. I know who is love and a loving being and who is not. That is all I value now. I have no need to understand more. It is enough now just to know truth without the “extras”. I don’t need your story or your plan or to know what you meant or did or didn’t say. Its all meaningless now. Love is more important. Because I can feel deeper – I know – simply – completely- doubtless- a sure kind of knowing what love is. I know simply and completely if you are that. My eyes no longer deceive me with the stories and the baggage. My soul no longer shies away from the harsh light. My heart no longer creates excuses out of non belief because all my denials are dead. They lay on the floor with all the other “unneccessary’s” that I no longer need. This requires no action from me except a silent movement like the gentle tide of the water coming or moving away from the shore. I am complete within myself. I see you and I know.
My nonjudgmental soul decides my tide and it only breaks gently towards love..
Yes times like these bring out true colors. And if you observe closely you can even see colors you never saw before. Like a rainbow sending all sorts of answers in each band of light. Colors will expand you, even the dark ones you see in others. Yes, sometimes they expands us the most ,when our greatest teachers painfully shine through. But on the heals of those experiences the bold light of gratitude always rises to show us a new way. But the truest and most important colors are the ones inside each of us. What are your true colors? Let them shine through and replace your fear. Let them shine brighter than those who do not shine at all. Shine for them and all the others that have need of it! This desperate and defining and ugly and beautiful time has shown me mine. They are bands of gold all around me that shake with the grid of universal love and they are the rainbow of all colors from the ones who are “unnamable and the ones with a thousand names.” There is an Aqua blue as bright as I can imagine coming into my throat giving me the optimism to tell this story to the world.
Once upon a time there was great love that created the seas and the sky and all of us. That love is alive in every leaf and blade of grass, in every animal and every sound. It flows through our hearts and hands to create great hope and we have the power to harness it to heal this Universe.
Drop the rope of your struggle – let your ego die. Let’s Stop worrying about things and allow love to take care of them.
Let’s  share love to find the colors that shine in each of us and give hope and healing to the world together as a powerful force of high vibration.